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The One In The Oven

Monthly Archives: May 2014

Signs of Affection

28 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by Elizabeth M. Johnson in Children, Life lessons, Parenting, Raising Girls, sexualization of girls, Teachable Moments

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affection, children, high-fives, hugging, LeBron James, Monuts, Outside The Mom Box, Suntrust

I’m not worried about stranger danger. I hold more knowledge about predators and abusers in the big toe of my right foot (my better foot) than most people ever will know. That’s a good thing. We need people to know and share their knowledge…even of unpleasant things. But I mention this not because I want to talk about the myth of stranger danger but because I want to talk about the opposite: affection.

I never taught Elisabeth to blow a kiss or give a hug. Teaching my daughter to give affection never sat well with me. So I didn’t do it. But I have taught her to high-five. A high-five seemed like a grand idea. It’s even applicable in the adult world, unlike blowing kisses. Seriously, who blows kisses to people in real life?! Here’s why I like the high-five:

  1. It’s an invitation. An invitation that is open and warm (“I want to greet you!” or “let’s connect”) but one that can be refused. It’s a physical but unlike moving in for a hug (which can be seen as an intrusion) it’s an invitation.
  2. A high-five also puts everyone on the same power level. I can high-five LeBron James without feeling helpless. But if LeBron were to give me a hug, I’d immediately feel his physical strength and know I couldn’t match that…or remove myself, if I wanted too.
  3. It’s affectionate without being sexual. I can high-five the banker at Suntrust with whom I opened my Outside The Mom Box account and also my friend, Ellie. Elisabeth high-fives Jamie and Amelia at Monuts and her grandparents.
  4. It’s an equal opportunity greeting. Everyone can do it without judgment. Men, women, boys and girls. People who identify as gay, straight, bi. People of every color. People who speak different languages and practice different religions. Everyone and anyone can high-five.

I try to ask permission when I want to give a hug but I don’t always. Which is my bad because I know that unless you do ask permission to give a hug (and this concept seemed way too confusing for a toddler to get), a hug can be very uncomfortable for some receivers. It might feel like too much an invasion of personal space…for adults and kids. We’re all different so this makes sense. There are the cultural considerations, too, about hugging too. My husband isn’t from a “hugging” family nor are Germans huggers in general.

It seems like we need to do a better job helping kids say what is and isn’t okay related to their body. In my mind, a high-five is a nice way to help them practice this voice. Small or shaky, all voices matter. If we put them in a place where they must receive (ditto for asking them to give) affection, how are they supposed to learn that they can decline another uncomfortable, and perhaps dangerous, kind of touch? And just as bad, how would they know we would take them seriously if they did…if we don’t listen to their ‘no’ when it comes to “smaller” things like hair cuts or hugs?

When not high-fiving, we sometimes like to do downward facing dog with new friends!

When not high-fiving, we sometimes like to do yoga with new friends!

Elisabeth like the high-five although the fine mechanics of it continue to be refined. She thrusts her little hand up in the air and often misses the target hand as it moves toward hers. Recently when she was asked by an aquaitenance of mine if she would give him a hug, I explained to him that we high-five. I told him a bit about why. I saw a lightbulb go on and he was perfectly wonderful with my explanation. (I realize this may be a harder conversation for those with a grandparent or family member who was raised to give hugs). I asked Elisabeth if she wanted to give him a high-five. Without hesitation, she raised her little hand up, palm open and smiled.

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Blessed

20 Tuesday May 2014

Posted by Elizabeth M. Johnson in Children

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children, Germany, gratitude, Regensburg, religion

Shortly after Elisabeth was born my father-in-law asked my husband if we planned to baptize her. Not being members of any church my husband said “no”. When he relayed the conversation to me later, I told Fabian that I didn’t mind having Elisabeth baptized, especially if it felt important to my in-laws. So when we arrived last summer, Elisabeth was baptized. Afterwards we celebrated at a local beer garden where Elisabeth was given a lime green pinwheel by one of the IMG_4261servers in lieu of a beer.  Aside from some photos of the occasion, I haven’t thought of it since.

Until yesterday. Fabian and Elisabeth were ahead of me as they left the apartment in Regensburg. After I’d locked the door, I looked down the street to see a short man approaching them. He was elderly and acted in a familiar sort of way. I watched him speak to my husband but wasn’t close enough to hear any words. I could tell that although Fabian didn’t know the man, he wasn’t concerned. The old man touched Elisabeth’s head. In spite of feeling apprehensive, I continued to watch. A few more words were exchanged. The man walked away.

A moment later my husband saw me and started to walk my way. Curiousity overwhelmed me, “Who was that man?” I asked. He was a retired priest who lived in a house nearby, my husband told me. He said to my husband, “Excuse me, sir, may I give your child a benediction?”. When my husband agreed (who turns down a blessing?!) and told him our daughter’s name. Then the priest said, “Elisabeth, may you be blessed in the name of the father, son and the holy spirit.” and touched her head and forehead in that way that priests do. Then he thanked my husband who thanked him back and went along his way.

Another encounter with a priest in a life where we seldom encounter religion at all? Both in the same city. Both under a year. I think of myself as a spiritual person, not a religious one but I can’t help but feel blessed. I can imagine the priest jokes that some might think of when they read this, but for me this experience is sweetness and light. We are blessed. To be here on vacation but also to have a stranger come up and offer a blessing to my daughter. Then bang! Seconds later my superstitious Irish grandmother side kicks in. And I start to wonder when the bottom is going to drop out. But let me banish the banshee of superstition. Instead, I will concentrate on the moments that I have and remember feeling blessed.

Help Your Clients Understand Their Rights in the Workplace

07 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by Elizabeth M. Johnson in Uncategorized

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Such an important post for any new or expecting mom!

Breastfeeding Medicine

With more than half of women with infants employed, simple workplace accommodations are critical for breastfeeding success. By helping moms understand their rights as a breastfeeding employee and plan for their return to work, lactation care providers can support a successful transition so that working moms are supported to reach their personal breastfeeding goals.

The federal “Break Time for Nursing Mothers” law requires employers to provide break time and a private place for hourly paid employees to pump breast milk during the work day. The United States Breastfeeding Committee’s Online Guide: What You Need to Know About the “Break Time for Nursing Mothers” Law compiles key information to ensure every family and provider has access to accurate and understandable information on this law.

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Mistress Syndrome

The Belle Jar

"Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences." - Sylvia Plath

Durham Association of Educators

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life is for sharing

I Talk About Boobs And Other Things

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human with uterus

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Aya de Leon

author - activist - faculty - mom

BabyCalm - Surviving the Fourth Trimester

Calmer Babies and Happier Parents

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