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At the post office a few weeks ago, Elisabeth and I joined a long line of people waiting to mail packages. The woman in front of us turned around and smiled. We smiled back. She and I started chatting and at one point she remarked, “I bet she’s the apple of her daddy’s eye.” “Both of us actually.” I replied. She nodded and the line inched forward.
…so there’s no confusion.
I began to wonder about her assumption that my daughter would be “cherished above else” by her father but not by me. [Granted, the woman didn’t come out and say that exactly but it was implied.] Is this one more way that sexist stereotypes affects our daughters, “Daddy’s Girl” and all that crap? I’m not sure but it didn’t feel right when it was said aloud and that’s usually a red flag. And while the woman wasn’t explicitly objectifying my daughter (nor was she talking directly to her) is this a great deal different than commenting on her prettiness or how well dressed she is? Which, come to think of it, she had mentioned earlier.
Maybe I am off-base here, over-reacting or splitting hairs. It’s possible; I am a little tired. But here’s my sexist (and racist, homophobic, etc.): would she have talked about her adorable smile and her big blue eyes then made the dreaded apple comment if Elisabeth were a little boy? I kind of doubt it.
Maybe Storm’s parents are onto something.
The One In The Oven 
I dont mind when strangers call her pretty or cute, I think some people just are so used to referring to kids as pretty or handsome that they dont even think about it anymore, so I just say thank you, and move on. What really grinds my gears is the assumption that shes a daddys girl, or her daddy must “just adore her” which I hear all the time, when she is out with me. Honestly, no. She is a “mommys girl” and not because that the way I want it, it is because that is the way she wants it. I am, according to the definition, a “daddys girl” because my father and I have a very strong relationship and my mother and I didnt talk for ten years. I don’t want that for her. I want her to have a great relationship with both her parents, and not have to choose whos “girl” she wants to be. But, to assume she is the “apple of her dads eye” so to speak, just because she is a girl is way off in this house. Her father always choses to spend his time off working on his projects or personal things. She never cries when he leaves and never wants to stay with him, even if I am showering. I however can not be out of sight for five seconds without utter panic that she might be left alone with him. I guess maybe I would love for people to stop calling children someones boy or girl and for people to understand that children can favor either parent or both regardless of gender, just like girls can be referred to with words other than pretty but society has a long way to go. Hopeful for my grandkids should Mr girls choose to have some : )
Sounds like we think alike in more than a few ways, Terri! Thank you for your comment. 🙂